Death and Dating Hayden

Definitely strange dreams last night. I wasn't sleeping well, which means my dreams were very jumpy and it's hard to tell what order the dreams came in and which were thoughts I had when I was awake.

I had a dream that my brother Joel was dead. It was completely an accident, but it was my fault. Like some sort of strange car accident where he was decapitated, and I had been the driver or something. It could have happened when anyone was driving, but it happened when I was, so of course I was blaming myself, but nobody else really was (which was a good thing). I did go out to a car and for some reason the windows and locks had the same control so I was having a hard time locking the doors and keeping the windows rolled up at the same time. My dad came out to help me and I started crying that I missed Joel.

I then woke up and remembered that he's not dead, just on a mission.

Then I went back into a feverish sleep (I didn't really have a fever, but it was the kind of sleep you have when you have a fever, where you're back and forth between hot and cold the whole time and are generally tossing and turning and frustrated). I dreamed I was dating Hayden Christensen. Sort of. Or he was trying to date me. Or something. I wasn't opposed to dating him, but it seemed like he talked more to everyone else in my family than me, so we never got around to discussing it and I had no idea what was really going on with our relationship. My family would be like "Is Hayden coming over?" and I was like "I guess so, I don't know, haven't you talked to him more than I have?" I did kind of like the part of the dream when someone (maybe my dad) asked him what he's doing (like with his life, school, job, etc.) and Hayden replied "Have you ever seen Star Wars Episode III?" but not in a prideful way, he was really humble the whole dream. I think he was a member of the church, and had tried acting onstage in theaters in several cities and hadn't been too successful with it, and that's how we ended up in the same city. Like I said, he was really nice, I just didn't ever know him that well.