Large Bedrooms and More Legos

So now that I've waited so long once again most of my dream is forgotten.

I do remember that my family and I were living in a house where my sister and I had to share a room, but it was a big room with a walk in closet, its own bathroom, and a fireplace. Mark (my youngest brother) was a lot younger in the dream than he is now, he was probably 2 or 3, because I could pick him up and carry him when he fell asleep on the carpet. Once again Legos were everywhere (what is it with me and Lego dreams lately? It seems they happen a lot...). My cousins were there, and I think we were throwing a party, at least we were getting out plastic silverware like we were.

Little Tidbits

All I remember from last night's dreams are little tidbits here and there.

I was driving to a YSA event... I managed to sit between two guys that were interested in me, and of course the one that I liked more ignored me, while the other guy talked to me a lot...

My family was living in some warehouse or something. We had lots of Legos everywhere. I had a couple of Star Wars Lego sets (what else?) and one giant Star Wars Lego set...

Then I was at our stake center with a bunch of people from the mission, and a lot of other people too, it seemed like we were waiting for something. We weren't missionaries anymore... One guy had a haircut that made him look like a little boy... One of the families that one of my companions was really close with was there and she was excited to see them...

Yeah, not much, is there?

You're Getting Married Instead of What?

So last night I had a dream that my brother, who just turned his mission papers in, got married before he got his mission call. I was so upset. I couldn't believe that after all the preparation for a mission he's done that he wouldn't go, especially when he was so close. No one else in my dream seemed particularly happy about it, but I was the only one who was so distraught over it. I was so upset that when I woke up from the dream, I still felt tense and tired, like I hadn't slept well at all.

Now I know that I said that I wasn't going to post my interpretations in this blog, but I posted a ton of thoughts yesterday, and am going to do so again today.

I was thinking about the dream while getting myself breakfast (a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, what else?), and it hit me. What if the dream isn't about my brother at all, but about me? Is somewhere deep inside me afraid that if I get married and decide not to practice law but have kids that I'll have wasted an education?

I don't think the dream is saying that I shouldn't get married and have kids instead of practice law, and I don't think it's saying that I shouldn't practice law instead of getting married and having kids, I think it was letting me know that this is still a topic that I am unsure about, that I should think a lot more about before making either decision.

Standards for Morality

Last night in my dream I was on a second date with a boy. We decided to watch a movie, and before the opening credits were done we were cuddling and kissing and so on. We decided we should set some limits to keep things from going further than they should. His idea? Just make sure we sleep in separate beds every night. While this is obviously something we should do, I was more concerned with all that could happen before we got anywhere near a bed. I stated my rules: no tongue, and no kissing while lying down. (I might have suggested another rule, but I can't remember it right now.) After saying this, he got really sad. Even me trying to kiss him didn't cheer him up. Pretty soon he wasn't even sitting next to me, and there were plenty of people (siblings, parents, friends) wandering in and out of the room. I walked out wondering how me setting limits like that could make someone so sad, wondering if there wasn't someone out there who respects both me and the commandments of God enough to have standards and set rules to ensure that we live by them.

I often wonder the same thing when I'm awake. I do think it's a good idea to have rules to make it easier to keep the law of chastity. I like the rules I suggested to my date in the dream, and additionally, to always be in a place that's public enough that other people could be there (other people don't necessarily need to be there, but just the fact that they could walk in on you at any moment should be enough to keep one from doing too much). Sometimes I think I should even have more rules than that, but I'm undecided as to what exactly they should be.

The question then becomes do I want those rules because I do not trust myself, or because I do not trust whoever boy I am with to respect me. Is it the lack of trust that made the boy in my dream so sad? I remember a stake conference where the stake president forcefully told the young men that any girl they date should have no fear of being disrespected by what physical affection is shown, because of the control that comes from the inside, and that the same goes for the girls, we should have enough control from within to not make anyone else fear or be uncomfortable to be with us. I felt that come to me like a reprimand. I don't know if this answers my question of who I don't trust though. Either way, surely there is someone somewhere that feels the same as me.

Giant Rooms, Star Wars, Climbing, and Other Things That Don't Make Sense

I don't even know where to begin with last night's dream. Perhaps by saying that yesterday I had ice cream (which supposedly makes dreams more strange) and finished reading a Star Wars book.

I don't remember exactly everything that happened, or the order of everything that happened, but here's what I do remember.

So in the Star Wars book that I just finished reading, Jedi are going crazy. Like literally insane. Cilghal is a Mon Calamari Jedi Healer who is trying to figure out what is causing the insanity and how to cure it. (Mon Calamari are a fish-like species. Remember Admiral Ackbar, the guy with a fish head who yelled "It's a trap!" during Return of the Jedi? Yeah, that's a Mon Calamari.) Well in my dream, Cilghal also goes crazy. What are we going to do now? What any normal person would do. That's right, my family would live on a spaceship and be chased by Sith. One time, after I had been chased down this ship to my family's living quarters (a giant room on the ship), I opened the doors and found the room filled with not just my family, but a bunch of middle eastern men in turbans, playing board and card games in small groups.

At another point in the dream I was in some place that reminded me a lot of the clubhouse of the King Henry apartments that I lived in a few years ago. Of course, I couldn't find the bathrooms here, only a giant room with a toilet that wouldn't empty of people to give me any privacy.

It seemed like twice in the dream I managed to get soaked, but I can't quite remember how or why, once may have been when a giant room filled with water (what is it with me and giant rooms in this dream?), I just remember thinking something like "wow, this has happened two days in a row."

I think my singles ward here in Santa Clarita had ward prayer in some really small three story high room. I knew it was three stories high because there were entrances at three levels, but it was so cramped. So not a giant room area wise, but tall still.

At one point in the dream I met and became best friends with this kid that must have been terminally ill, as he had tubes coming out of his stomach, and I think he died. But then later in the dream he was alive and it was me who had tubes coming out of my stomach, and I was trying to explain what happened to my friend Gary. I don't remember this part very clearly.

Towards the end of the dream, my family was living back in our house, but so were a lot of other people. I think we had a school here or something, and everyone who went to school here or taught here lived here with us too. In one part here I was either up really early in the morning on the couch (still with tubes coming out of my stomach) or I had been on the couch all night, and I heard people out in our garage. The music teacher was out holding a music class in the garage so early in the morning that it was still dark. I didn't have a problem with this, but I was so confused as to how she and the students had managed to get into the garage - they hadn't passed me as I was on the couch.

I think the end of my dream involved me in some sort of class where we had to climb the side of a building. None of us had any safety equipment, we were just finding hand and foot holds in the side of this building somehow. I had no idea how we'd made it almost to the top, and was pretty certain I couldn't make it the last few feet. The teacher was already at the top, looking down at us, and giving out M&Ms for encouragement. (I didn't get any M&Ms here though.) I somehow made it to the top of the building, where there were somehow rolling hills. The teacher had a jar of M&Ms left, and was just giving it to students. Once I explained that I hadn't gotten any during the climb, I did get a handful.

Crazy, huh?

Babies, Cars, and Cakes

I had 2 dreams last night.

The first one involved a group of friends from high school. One of the girls had a baby, and me, wanting to make sure that everything is right for that baby, wanted to have it given a name and a blessing. I knew this probably wouldn't mean anything to these girls, but the missionary in me figured it would still be good to have them see the priesthood in action, and somehow, they agreed. I also figured that the mother (and I can't even remember which of the girls actually was the mother of the baby) should get married, for the baby's sake. (I don't remember if she agreed to this one or not.) I then was walking around the Santa Clarita Public Library looking for a friend who had the priesthood who could give the baby a name and a blessing. I didn't recognize the two people I asked, but apparently they were friends who had the priesthood, and one of them agreed.

So then we had to get to where we were going to give the baby a name and a blessing. It wasn't in a chapel, but some conference room in some building. We were running late. I was in my car and everyone else was following me in their car. Even though we were running late and several blocks away, all of a sudden I had to get my car washed and fill it up with gas. (I actually do need to wash my car today...) I stopped at several gas stations looking for which would be the cheapest.

Next dream, I was with a group of girls from a lot of different law schools. We were outside in some garden of some type. I was explaining to them my almost contradictory convictions about feminism and child rearing - I firmly believe in equality of women and their value in the workplace, yet also fiercely think most mothers are the best ones to raise their children, and as I certainly don't want someone else raising my children, don't want to work when they are little. Next to us was a woman holding a little baby boy, he was maybe one year old or so. I could make him smile wider than anyone or anything else. She set out a table with what at first was 10 different kinds of delicious looking bread. When we went over to sample them, they were cakes, with huge layers of nasty frosting.